Being a single dating mother means that not only are you dating, but so is “the ex”. This person your ex is dating might very well have been ” the other woman”, such is the case with me and my ex. Well, my ex has never been very respectful about not bringing her around me. I know that she is going to be around my kids, but there is no need to have her in my face all the time. I am having a birthday party for my kids and now issues stemming from my ex dating are beginning to surface.
Here is the gist of the our story from the beginning to now, so that you can better understand the situation that I am in….
I left my husband at the very end of nov 2007. Our son was just 4 or 5 weeks old. I went back at the end of dec. My heart was not in it and I did somethings that weren’t condusive to making the situation any better. In my defense though, he had made it very clear that he planned to not follow through with his part of what he agreed to, going to anger management, the only condition I insisted on if I were to come back home. So, who could blame me for my heart not being there when I knew he wasn’t going to do the one thing I had asked of him. The one thing that would make me comfortable with coming back he refused to do. Anyways, it didn’t last but a month and I left the end of January. We both started to look for something and someone else about a month or so later. (probably not the brightest idea, but I chalk that up to being young, stupid and needy).
Then in June of ’08 I decide to go into the Army. He got the kids while I went to basic and all that. We also decide to get back together. Well, as it turned out his ex gf was pregnant and he didn’t tell her that they were broken up…. hmmm strange huh…. can you hear that sarcasm? ugh I hate some men… certain men… So on my graduation day from basic (9/11/08) he flew up with my daughter (my son stayed with my inlaws). I got all kinds of phone calls from his “ex” and her sisters telling me that he and his ex were still together and still messing around. Yay, what a wonderful day for me! Well, we stayed togther and in Oct I went home for a month. It was just terrible. We decide to get a divorce. Within days she is all over his myspace page “Oh I love you hubby” and all kinds of bs. Ugh. OH well.
I am home from the Army now and I have the kids. Their dad and I have settled things between us and we can get along for the children. He sees them when he can, which is not that often, and for a week to 2 weeks at a time.
Fast forward to now. I am throwing a Birthday party for the kids. Their birthdays are only two and a half weeks apart, so this year we are throwing one big party for both… much cheaper… October 10th at Stone Mountain. My daughter started asking who will be coming and she threw a fit when I told her that he father wasn’t coming. Being the mom that I am, I couldn’t take this. I had already invited him, but with him living 6 hours away and not making very much money he just couldn’t afford to make it even though he really wanted to. I decided that I would try to make a deal with him and perhaps let him keep some child support to be able to afford to make it to the party. I take it that his gf didn’t take too kindly to my generosity and…. here is the issue….
Not only is he coming but so is she and their child (which was concieved and born while we were married). That actually isn’t the problem. I have gotten over them. The problem is that they are also bringing her sister and her sisters children. Yay for me right? The reason I do not like this is, because this is the girl that called me on my basic graduation and called me all kinds of names for being with MY husband, whom I had thought had been being faithful to me. I have to forgive my ex and I have to forgive his gf to be able to go on with life and make the best of a bad situation for my children. I refuse to hate my childrens father or at least let them see that hate. I don’t, however, have to forgive this sister of his gf. Why! why should I? Well, because, the bible says I should I suppose. Her sister coming bothers me because, I have had time to forgive my ex and his gf but, I haven’t dealt with forgiving this lady yet. My ex and his gf have been in my life but, the sister hasn’t so I haven’t dealt with it. Now my anger toward her seems fresh.
I am going to forgive her. It is not her fault. She only knew the lies that my ex told them about me. I am not going to tell him not to bring her because, I don’t want to look like I have any resentment left and I don’t want to give them any reason to think bad of me. They are all going to come and the kids will all have fun together and celebrate my kids birthdays. They will be surprised by my forgiveness and generosity. I guess that I also want to show that I don’t have feelings left for my ex and telling them that they can’t come will just prove, in their, minds that I must not want them there because I will be hurt and jealous. That is not the case.
I honestly feel that his gf felt threated when I invited him and so rather than just be a woman about it, she decided to flaunt the relationship in front of me, which to me is just childish and I could care less that she has my leftovers. I just don’t want this other girl there in front of my children that has called me all sorts of names. I do not want drama. Im going to be a woman and just let them come and be welcoming, forgiving and generous to them. If they try to start drama I will simply ask them to leave and not participate in any arguements.
I do not feel the need to flaunt my relationship in front of my ex and his gf. My bf will be on tour with the Army band that day and so won’t be attending the party. I hope this all works out of the best.
I may have forgiven but, I still have some bad feeling towards them for all the wrongs they have done me. I will push past that and have a great party for my children.
(The videos from basic aren’t of me. The first is of my company but not while I was in it.)